A Whore and a Slut are Not the Same at All–February 24, 2019

It is so funny to me when women are afraid to leave their men in my presence. Like I am going to jump on any man within pouncing business. As if I want every guy for myself. Far from it. No need for women to glare at me with suspicious eyes. I didn’t think about men outside of business. Spending time with men was not leisure time. An associate (can’t use the word friend in the dope world) of mine described the lack of interest in normal sex typical of prostitutes best: “hookers are like virgins, strippers are sluts.”

I have never been a stripper, I am far too uncomfortable even attempting to dance. In fact anyone who has had the misfortune of seeing my attempt to move gracefully to music has nodded knowingly and said something along the lines of “yes, your mother definitely was white.” So I cannot say that I know how strippers treat men in their personal lives but I can speak of the working girls I have spoken to and they are like me. We develop a real aversion to men. We need them because we like/need the money, and we can’t/won’t work a regular job, but we hate them. We never got into the profession for the sex but for the drugs. We don’t want to touch these strangers, and we really don’t want to touch them once we get to know them and their ceaseless demands that do not take into account anything we want to do. When we stay with men, which we often do because in outrageously expensive Honolulu there is no way to get a cheap place short term . And it’s not like women ever join together to go in on a place as a group. God forbid women should ever work together to help each other. But I digress. We stay with guys and even if we pay them money or dope, they end up wanting sex. In spite of the fact that they have always been gay as far as we knew, they end up wanting sex. We want to come home and be left alone, physically, and we know we won’t get any peace when we see porn playing. Yes, men put on porn in the background and watch it with other guys like it is the news, so it is normal to casually watch porn if you are a guy, I guess. But when he has the porn on so that we see it playing we get the hint and the sight of porn in the place we wish to call home is a disaster. Inevitably he will decide that whatever he had received was not enough and he was going to get some other girl and lie to her about giving her a place to come home and relax. I remember one woman saying to me: “I hate them. They say they want to please me. Then leave me alone and I will do me!”

I had nodded in agreement. I once told a guy that if he was as concerned about my pleasure as he claimed to be he would do me the service of ironing for me. To his credit, he actually did iron. Didn’t get him what he wanted because he was broke, but I liked to imagine that he had a rich sense of humor. Probably not, he was probably just pursuing an angle. Yes, I detect the bitterness in my tone. I had gotten so fed up with the position I had put myself in that I was offended by any man who wanted to have sex with me. Not to mention the inconvenience of taking my time away from what I really wanted to do. I was all happy to be friends with the guy but when it came out that he had a sexual interest I lost all respect. Pretty ironic but there it is. Another new norm for the addicted sex worker.

Sexual interest infuriated me. Even when I was getting paid it was very difficult for me to feign politeness. I was angry at myself too, but I had enough anger to go around and share some with him.

Once a husband who never mentioned that he was a husband saw his wife approaching on a bike. Bikes are a common method of transportation among “chronics” as habitual users who make drugs a way of life are called. She was angry of course, but not at the person who was committed to her but at me. She demanded to know if I had given him any money. I had to laugh as I informed her that giving men money was against my business plan

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Author: Harvard Educated Hooker in Hawaii

Caroleena is the ivy league educated ex Honolulu streetwalker an intimate view of addiction fueled prostitution and its ripple effects.

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