Let the racists speak! We are America!

I want to have the option of hearing racist public statements. When racists are denied freedom of speech I am denied my (implied) right to choose for myself what I want to hear.

I am not being sarcastic, right now

One of my fears about sharing my story is that people will look at my race and use my x-streetwalker status as proof that college is wasted on people my color.  Nevertheless, the events of the past cannot be changed to sound less pitiful. So, what the hell, I decided to share my story even though by some measures I sound self pitying and I am taking the real risk that people will brand me with that label. Then my higher self was like, “Hello? You are opening yourself up to a lot of bad labels and the commitment was to tell the stories regardless of the negative feedback.”  

I self identify as first, an American, and second, as a mixed race woman

I am a mixed race person who wants to know what racist people have to say.  Why?  First and foremost, I am a U.S. citizen who believes that the constitution is almost sacred.  There’s a lot of great content in that document.  Growing up with the principles of the Bill of Rights caused me to adopt the beliefs as part of my own belief set.  I was told that the First Amendment is freedom of speech.  I became a person who believes in freedom of speech, unless that speech directly endangers another.  For example, it is not alright to yell “Fire!” in a crowded theater.  With that notable exception people have the right to say whatever they want, even if I do not like what they say.  People who make others uncomfortable should not be silenced.  Unpopular views should not be squelched.  It is un-American to censor politically incorrect statements

I am doing more than just standing up for unpopular people

There are those who would say my stand on free speech is nothing more than self serving.  I have always been unpopular since the early days of kindergarten to the present.  Who wants to hear from a whore?  Not many. Those who publicly say “Yes, I want to hear from a whore,” would be likely to distance themselves from me by adding that they are interested in hearing from anyone.  They are not truly interested in whore-speak (I just invented that term).  Privately, behind closed doors, many people are interested in whore-speak, and they will eagerly check out my latest post to hear from the ivy league x-streetwalker.  In my not so humble opinion, freedom of speech also implies freedom from speech.  As Americans, we are not required to say anything we do not wish to say.  I respect people who would never embrace me publicly but show a great deal of interest privately.  You don’t have to be popular for people to want to hear your words. You don’t have to be popular to have something to say that is worth hearing. Most importantly, our right to exercise free speech and listen to free speech is totally independent on the quality of that speech and the social status of the speaker.

There has been a frightening trend to allow speech only if it is deemed popular and quality

To clarify my position further, it is necessary for me to specifically state that non-dangerous speech does not require any advocates.  If freedom of speech is a right, we must understand the meaning of a “right.”  A right cannot be earned, it cannot be snatched away, it cannot be granted.  Rights are inborn and we cannot lose them.  In theory, but I see the right to freedom of speech changing into the right to say what other people want to hear.  The latest uproar over racist statements proves my points.  I will explain what happened in general terms so I do not have to bother with fact checking the specifics, to be totally honest with you about my thought life in this moment.  In the early 20th century, scientists were trying to figure out genetics, specifically they wanted to know the form of the stuff in the cell that carries our genetic information. One of the biggest breakthroughs in the history of science was when researchers discovered the double helix structure of DNA–the stuff within our cells that holds our genetic information that we inherit and will in turn pass on.  The discovery was a really big deal and the people involved in the discovery will be forever remembered as making contributions to that changed the history of future of humans. That’s huge. You would think if one of those people had something to say on that subject society would at least hear him out. Nope.

Even An Expert is Silenced

One of those people was James Watson, who is now in his 90’s.  He received many honors over the course of his long life and received much respect because if anyone is an expert, it’s him.  Recently he said something like, political policies are based on the assumptions that Africans are as smart as whites but testing does not support this assumption.  To further enlighten his listeners he remarked that there is a reason we hear about Latin Lovers but not English lovers (I think he is English).

People got really mad.  Other scientists denounced him.  He lost some of his positions in educational institutions and people were falling all over themselves to say they totally opposed his view.  They did not let him fully explain his position, nor did they say the facts they used to disprove him. I cannot tell you how much I disapprove of that intolerant response.  I want to know why he believes what he says.  What information does he have that support his statements?  If anyone is an expert, it is him.  How can we not respond with “Why?” followed by expectant silence as we listen carefully to what he has to say. Who are we to tell someone more accomplished than us to shut up.

I invoke my right to hear free speech that disgusts me

I do not like hearing that I am inferior to white people.  Just like you, I have heard this claim all of my life.  I have considered the argument as it applies to me, if it does apply to me.  I have asked myself a difficult question:  what if Watson is right?  What if credible information proves that whites are smarter than blacks?   How can I judge the validity of the claims if we aren’t allowed to talk about it?  Right now, given the reaction of the world to his words I do not know his facts.  I cannot argue against the facts that I do not know.  All I can say is  I don’t like hearing such hurtful things, and it feels right to declare racism wrong.  The world of science does not rest on the premise that we disavow anything that doesn’t feel right.

Here’s an example.  I would be stronger if I were male.  There is no denying this fact.  Yet, there is no way for me to know this difference in strength simply by evaluating my own strength.  I do not feel weak.  I have learned facts that prove to me that men are physically stronger than women. I could not have determined this my relative strength had I lacked information about others.

If my racial heritage affects my intelligence, how would I know?  My dear Readers, you might remember how a fake friend gave me the title “Harvard Hooker” behind my back.  Well, this person, Sean, is treacherously sneaky in other ways, especially when money is involved.  A person once asked me, “is he real greedy about money because he is a Jew?” My answer was automatic and came without thought, “Of course not! Being Jewish has nothing to do with him being a scammer.” Later, I pondered my answer.  How could I be sure? If I could hear more from bigots I would have more information to use, or discard. No one has the right to tell me that I cannot hear something even if I would choose for myself not to listen.

My Worries about sharing my truth–am I adding fuel to the racist fire by telling my story?

Did I fail to live up to expectations of an ivy league grad because I am half black?  I do not think so, but how do I really know my race is not a factor in my accomplishments and failures?  Scientifically speaking, since I am half white and black, what is my race, really?

I want to be well informed as a person and the only way I can do that is to listen to the words that cause my face to burn and bring tears to my eyes.  Only then can I effectively counter what I hear.  Otherwise, if I maintain my ignorance, there will always be the doubt in the back of my mind that whispers–what if Watson is right?  Because we have chipped away at freedom of speech, this ivy league x-streetwalker has no factual response.

Hooker Hacks: Inspiration From an Unlikely Source

Talk to yourself the way you talk to a beloved kitten.


Think Thoughtfully

Examine the words you say to yourself inside your head. Do you call yourself names (Stupid!)? Do you put yourself down for mistakes (How could I not know that?)

I hurt myself with my words. Words I chose.

Evaluate Your SelfTalk

Do you speak more kindly to others than you speak to yourself? Would you call other people names you call yourself.

Use Your Kitten Voice on Yourself

Talk To Yourself With The Same Loving-Kindness You Direct Towards Your Beloved Pet

You know how you talk to a puppy or kitten, if you do. I do. A friend calls it my “kitten voice.” I say things like, “You are my precious one” and “I’ve got you, everything is alright.” I have a gentle singsong tone. I’d never say to a baby animal “you are too stupid to live.” No, I reserved words like that for me. That was then. But now if I am upset about something I have done, I imagine what I would say to a kitten, and that’s how I talk to myself.

Hooker Life Hack: How to charge for your services

Value determination is tricky for prostitutes unless they know men.


Determine the price of your services when the perceived value is highest.

–Kenneth, former client & almost s.o.


When is the perceived value highest? Hint: do not count on a man to feel grateful to you after sex. Gratitude would interfere with the client’s desire to flee the scene as fast as possible. From what I hear, men usually want to get away from the woman asap whenever they have sex, not only with providers. Click the above link for the answer to the price determination question.

Hooker Life Hack #15–Beware of sexually explicit language sent in a text by a man

There are unexpected signs that he is not going to show up. Here is one of those signs–vulgar language.

Hooker Life Hacks: World’s newest everyday wisdom from the world’s oldest profession, by Caroleena, Ivy League Educated X-Streetwalker

Wednesday, January 30, 2019, 11:02 a.m. Hawaii Time

Hooker Life Hack #15–One For Sure, Yet Surprising, Sign he is totally lying when he says he is going to meet up with you

When you are making plans to spend time with a male there are signs that he will not show up at the appointed hour.  I was surprised to learn through experience that when I was in the process of setting up appointments through a phone call or text, the man did not intend to show up if he used vulgar and sexually explicit language.  I had imagined that if it was unspoken but understood that we would engage in adult behavior, I should reasonably expect suggestive or even lewd language from the male as a sort of warm up.  I thought, "we are going to do something x rated so he is getting warmed up bad language." I was wrong. Any time a man uses sexually explicit language outside of s sexual situation, he is being disrespectful. The language shows he has a low opinion if the woman with whom he is communicating.


 This lesson is one I had to learn from experience because I never would have imagined that sex talk before a sexual encounter was a bad sign.  Maybe it is because we didn't know each other.  Outside of the encounter, with its physical intimacy, the interaction was still sort of formal because we are not friends.  Hmmm...something to ponder.

100% of the time a man used vulgar, sexually explicit language when he texted or spoke on the phone with me to make plans to meet, he was being dishonest. He always stood me up, without notice.

0–The Number of Men who Showed up for appointments after using foul language toward me in texts or over the phone. ZERO

Explicit language has an appropriate time and place but if he uses this language to set up an x-rated rendezvous, he is not serious about following through with the plans.  After all, keeping appointments is a form of respect and his purpose for making contact is to enjoy verbally abusing a provider, not to spend time.
Men always want sex but they do not always speak in a sexually explicit manner. Men reserve that kind of inappropriateness for women they do not respect.

The take away action recommendation: politely correct his language by saying you are standards for phone contact that you follow. There was one, yes only one, instance when the man did not realize how he sounded and he accepted my correction by retracting his comment with an apology. The rest of the times my gentle corrections about foul language were ignored . The men did not truly intend to meet up, but wanted the chance to talk down to a woman. Do not let him (or anyone under any circumstance) convince you that you deserve to be spoken to with vulgarity or that you should expect lewd talk because of what you have done or what you are willing to do. No good ever results from allowing someone to speak to you disrespectfully. Be sure to set the proper example with your own manner of respectful speech!

Prostitution As a Cure For Lonliness

I, Caroleena, the Expert Escort, have made the claim that you should read what I write because my cringing honesty is unique. I will tell you things I’d rather you not know. For example, one embarrassing fact is that there were many days that the only social interaction I had was with tricks. When I was not working, I missed the people. I was completely alone.  I did not have any friends. Nor did I have acquaintances who were not in the life. Giving up prostitution meant making unexpected sacrifices. It made me sad.